January 18, 2010

the thing of it is

My husband's grandmother was the first person I ever heard say "the thing of it is." The expression sounded to me like almost-something but not-quite-something, kind of like "for all intensive purposes" or "mute point." If my husband's grandmother had not been such a nice person, I might have tossed that expression right into the unedumacated bin.

Yesterday my bandmate's mom said to me - totally out of the blue - "You know, you get prettier every year." I almost fell down. That was the last thing I ever expected anyone to say to me.

The thing of it is, I have never been what anyone would call pretty. I remember, as a teenager, my father observing "well, you've never been any great beauty, but...[insert something about getting by in life on brains alone]." Men have never chased after me. People who are attracted to attractive people are not immediately attracted to me, and if they don't get close enough to notice my sparkling personality, forget it. When I feel extra-special-charitable toward myself, I'll sometimes allow that I am "interesting looking." But never pretty, not ever. And, shallow as it sounds, I have always wished otherwise.

You won't see any old photos of me on Facebook.

Recently another friend and I were talking about how some people grow into their features as they age. Maybe - miracle of miracles - this could happen with me, and I will end up somewhat more attractive in middle age.

Kay, you will probably never read this, but thank you.

Posted by joe positive at 7:50 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)