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October 03, 2004
What Motivates Me.....
I was inspired today by Meghan's blog entry titled "On Motivating Factors". I enjoyed reading about and could relate to her experiences in ultra-challenging life events and endeavors. For me, I got bit by the physical/mental challenge bug early in college. It started with boxing my sophomore year out of anger from an ego shattering breakup, and I continued to do so until I joined the Marine Corps Reserve in 1998 (when I got bored with my civilian job), later adding kickboxing to my repertoire.
While I can't say the Marine Corps itself has changed me completely - after all, I joined when I was 22 and a college grad - the experiences I've gained as both an enlisted Marine (and now an officer) continue to motivate me as well as challenge myself and my Marines be "Semper Fidelis" and think "pain - if you don't mind, it don't matter". One of my most memorable experiences was going to Cold Weather Survival School (MWTC) at Bridgeport, CA in the Sierra Nevada mountains.
I volunteered to go to MWTC in January 2001 for my two-week annual training, since I didn't want to sit at a desk in Baltimore doing boring administrivia. I really wanted to attend SERE - survival, evasion, resistance, and escape - training instead, but no seats were available, since that's a more popular yet equally tough course. I mean, who in their right mind wants to spend two weeks freezing their butt off in -30 degree temps in the Toiyabe National Forest, right? Upon arriving at base camp where cold weather gear was being issued, I immediately felt short of breath at 6,700 feet and also noticed that I was the only female present out of 34 males. Darn, no one to "bond" with. The first week consisted of the male physical fitness test - pull ups, sit ups, 3-mile run in camoflauge and combat boots - and long days of classroom/hands on instruction in bow and drill (primitive fire starting), field shelters like snow caves, snowshoe making, water generating and food capturing/preparation methods, sun and moon navigation, and cold weather survival. Learning all these techniques was amazing, and I also savored fattening up in the cafeteria three times a day knowing that the next week we'd be eating only whatever we caught in the mountains.
The second week was physically and mentally demanding beyond my expectations. Monday morning, we snowshoed to the rally point for isolation at nearly 12,000 feet with all of our gear, which weighed almost as much as I did. That hike alone nearly broke me. Being the smallest Marine in the class and the only female, I was the slowest. The pack and my legs were heavy, my breathing was suffering, and my will was practically deflated. But I couldn't quit...it wasn't an option. I didn't want to be weak in front of my male counterparts, as female Marines are portrayed sometimes. I didn't want to go back to Baltimore saying that "I couldn't hack it", tarnishing my reputation for toughness. So, I had to make it to the top, and I did. Whew! Our instructors paired us off for liability purposes, and we were given specific tasks and had to check in with a note at the rally point each day.
When my partner was assigned to me, I could tell he was disappointed in the expression he made to a friend. That really hurt me because I knew that I was as good as the rest of the guys, if not as tall, strong, and fast. And everyday that week, I made sure to work my hardest despite how tired, hungry, and cold I was. Nothing was going to break me at this point, not even the extreme cold. Though we did not have any food or water, I did not whine, complain or show any sign of emotion, except relaying my goal to eat Taco Bell when this was done. We did not catch any food while ice fishing or from our traps, and our water supply was minimal because the ambient temperature was so low that as soon as our home made water generator deposited any drops into our canteen cups they would refreeze. By the end of the week, I was eating handfuls snow because I was so dehydrated, even though this was a huge no-no. The only things we succeeded in doing were collecting dead wood for our nightly fire, building our snow shelter and wood tools, and constructing the assigned rescue signal (a 18 foot "X" of tree bark to contrast the pure white snow).
At the end of the course, I had gained the respect of the instructors and my fellow coursemates. I endured the same difficult things they had with a positive attitude and strong work ethic. No one dropped out, and from what an instructor told me, I had reason to be proud. Only three to five women in the entire Marine Corps finish the winter course every year.
So, the whole point of my story...This is one of the tribulations that I think about when I'm having a tough workout or race or any day in my regular, cushy life. Like Meghan, I know that I've passed the uncomfortable to the miserable time and again. I can and WANT to do it again because of that weird brain chemistry or whatever motivates us to challenge ourselves beyond what most people dream is possible.
I too, would love to hear about what motivates you...
Posted by Leilani at October 3, 2004 09:59 PM
Comments
Wow, this is a super-cool story. I've always been in awe of some of the armed forces special training, but I've never heard any first-hand stories. So, what was the outcome between your partner and you? Did he come around and decide that you were tough enough? Hope so! Thanks for the story! Meghan
Posted by: Meghan at October 4, 2004 10:46 AM
Yes, my cold weather partner did "warm up" to me. :) In fact, I ran into him and a few other my classmates 2 years later in Iraq. Small world!
Posted by: Leilani at October 4, 2004 07:32 PM